10 Essential Tips to Improve Sex With Your Pet

10 Essential Tips to Improve Sex With Your Pet

Is your animal sex life not what it used to be? These helpful tips will spice things up in no time!

1. Variety is crucial.

Kitty and a puppy in basket looking cuteFalling into a routine when it comes to loving your domesticated doll is sure to lead to stale sex, so be sure to regularly spice things up! Try adding new positions, places, and species to the mix to really get the ball rolling again.

2. Introduce toys.

Dog With ToyIf the simple act of having sex with an animal is starting to lose its luster for your doomed soul, it might be time to embrace a little “technology” into the bedroom by experimenting with sex toys. Collars, for instance, are a wildly popular item for those in amicable, loving relationships with tamed beasts. If you want to get really freaky, try doing some reverse-bondage by putting the collar on yourself!

3. Attention to detail.

Golden Retriever Close UpFocus on finding your pet’s sweet spots. Your pet can’t just verbally tell you where it likes to be touched most, so pay close attention to its reactions as you move to different parts of its body. Also, if your pet is female, take care to stay in tune with your primal partner’s natural ovulation cycle in order to avoid embarrassment on both sides along with one big mess!

4. Get active!

Workout Dog Yoga BallYour pet probably spends most of it’s time either letting you have sex with it or patiently waiting for you to return home, so do your best to shake up this tired routine. Exercising with your pet is an exciting way to keep you both feeling active, healthy, and sexy more often!

5. Romance is key.

Cat and Dog CuddlingOccasionally bringing home a treat after work can make all the difference! Small touches like this are an important factor in fueling that feral fire, so don’t miss these chances to show them you care.

6. Give them their space.

Cute Cat Close UpSeeming needy is an instant turn-off in any relationship, and pets are no exception! Make time to hang out with your people friends while also setting up play-dates with your pet’s favorite pals. Your pet can’t organize something like that on it’s own, so this will really go a long way in pleasing them while also subtly conveying that you are their only source of pleasure and empowerment in this world.

7. Explore your fantasies.

Cute PomeranianRepressing your innermost desires is a surefire way to an unhealthy love-life! Be open with your pet about these feelings. Maybe you’ve found yourself thinking about having sex with humans, but want to stay committed to your furry fuck-toy? Put a mask on them so they look like a human! Maybe your pet fantasizes about being taken to the pound. The possibilities are endless!

8. Let it happen naturally.

Grey Cat Walking & LookingSure, you may provide food, shelter, and personal attention for that ferocious little flirt, but that doesn’t mean that they’re always going to be in the mood when you are. Take extra care to notice signs that they’re interested so that you can be ready to make that sweet, carnal coitus happen when the time is right! If you see that savage siren dropping hints, then go with your gut! Nothing is hotter than a person confidently taking action in the bedroom, regardless of biological species.

9. Remember Who’s In Charge.

Training a DogOnly one of you has the luxury of legally-imbued rights. You are a human being, and it is an animal.

10. Euthanize your pet.

Sad Puppy Black and WhiteFinitude is a tragic fact of life, and there will certainly come a time when your fluffy friend is simply too old and feeble to adequately pleasure you. Get a newer, more youthful one to satisfy your ever-evolving and increasingly depraved bestial desires.